
Who is he – this mysterious, ephemeral, almost mythical super programmer? A person whose code is compiled the first time is launched from half -pike and immediately goes into the Prod. The legend transmitted in bytes from senor to jun. The one who writes bugs specifically so that others are not bored. Let’s honestly, with warmth and irony, we will figure out what superpowers he must have to wear this digital cloak.
1. Writes on C/C ++ without a unified vulnerability
Buffer Overflow? NEVER HeARD of it.
The super programmer in C ++ has no inconvenientized variables – they themselves are initialized from respect. He writes New Char [256], and the compiler silently adds a check of borders. Where others put a breakpoint – he glance. And the bug disappears.
2. Writes Fichs without bugs and testing
He does not need tests. His code tests himself at night when he sleeps (although … does he sleep?). Any line is a final stable version, immediately with the support of 12 languages and the NASA Accessible level. And if the bug still came across, then the Universe is testing him.
3. It works faster than AI
While Chatgpt is printing “What a good question!”, The super programmer has already locked the new OS, ported it to the toaster and documented everything in Markdown with diagrams. He does not ask Stackoverflow – he supports him with his questions from the future. GPT is studying on his communities.
4. He understands someone else’s code better than the author
“Of course, I wrote it … But I do not understand how it works.” – An ordinary author.
“Oh, this is due to the recursive call in line 894, which is tied to the side effect in the REGEX filter. Smart.” – Super programmer without blinking.
He reads Perl on the first attempt, understands the abbreviations in the names of variables, and bugs captures by vibration of the cursor.
5. Writes the cross -platform code on the assembler
Why write on Rust, if possible on pure X86, ARM and RISC-V right away, with a flag “works everywhere”? He has his own table of the Oppodes. Even CPU thinks before spoiling his instructions. He does not optimize – he transcends.
6. He answers questions about the deadlines up to a second
“When will it be ready?”
“After 2 hours, 17 minutes and 8 seconds. And yes, this is taking into account the bugs, a smoke break and one philosophical question in the chat.”
If someone asks to do faster-he simply rebuilds the space-time through Make -jives.
7. Reversees and repairing proprietary frameworks
Proprietary SDK fell off, API without documentation, everything is encrypted by Base92 and coughs Segfault’s? For a super -programmer, this is an ordinary Tuesday. He will open a binary, inhale HEX, and an hour later there will be a patch with a fix, improvements of performance and added Dark Mode.
8. Designer and UX specialist for himself
UI comes out for him that people cry with beauty, and the buttons are guessed by intuition. Even cats cope – verified. He does not draw an interface – he opens his inner essence, like a sculptor in marble. Each press is delighted.
9. Conducts marketing research between commits
Between Git Push and Coffee Break, he manages to collect market analytics, build a sales funnel and rethink the monetization strategy. On weekends tests hypotheses. He has A/B tests are launched automatically when he opens a laptop.
10. repeats Microsoft alone
That for corporations 10 years and a thousand engineers, for him – Friday evening and good pizza. Windows 11? Did Windows 12. Office? Already there. Excel? He works on voice management and helps to plan a vacation. Everything works better and weighs less.
11. unfolds and supports infrastructure for 1 million users
His homemade NAS is a Kubernetes Clister. Monitoring? Grafana with memes. It unfolds the API faster than some manage to open Postman. He has everything documented, automated and reliably like a Soviet teapot.
12. Technical support is not required
Users do not complain about it. They just use it with reverence. FAQ? Not needed. Tutorials? Intuition will tell. He is the only developer who has the “Help” button to the gratitude page.
13. He does not sleep, does not eat, is not distracted
He feeds on caffeine and a pure desire to write a code. Instead of sleep, refactoring. Instead of eating – Debian Packages. His life cycle is a continuous development cycle. CI/CD is not Pipeline, this is a lifestyle.
14. communicates with customers without pain
“We need to make Uber, but only better, in two days.” – “Look: here is Roadmap, here are the risks, here is the MVP. And let us first decide on the goals.”
He knows how to say no “so that the customer replies:” Thank you, now I understand what I want. ”
15. instantly programs nuclear reactors
How much heat is released when the uranium nucleus is split? The super -programmer knows. And he knows how to steal it in Rust, C, Swift, even in Excel. Its reactor is not only safe – it is also updated by OTA.
16. has knowledge in all possible areas
Philosophy, physics, tax reporting of Mongolia – everything in his head. He participates in quizzes, where he is a leader. If he doesn’t know something, he simply temporarily turned off the memory to make room for new knowledge. Now it will return.
17. Knows all algorithms and design patterns
No need to explain to him how A*, Dijkstra or Singleton works. He came up with them. With him, the patterns behave correctly. Even antipattterns are corrected themselves – from shame.
18. worked in Apple, Google and left boredom
He was everywhere: Apple, Google, NASA, IKEA (tested the cabinet interface). Then I realized that it was already too good, and went to develop free open-source projects for pleasure. He does not need money because:
19. He has Pontid Bitcoin and he is Satoshi Nakamoto
Yes, it’s him. Just does not say. All wallets with millions of BTC are actually on his flash drive, walled up in concrete. In the meantime, he writes Backend for a farmer cooperative in the outback, because “it was interesting to try Kotlin Multiplatform.”
Conclusion: A little seriousness
In fact, programmers are ordinary people.
We are mistaken. We get tired. Sometimes we are so confident in ourselves that we do not see the obvious – and it is then that the most expensive mistakes in the history of it are made.
Therefore, it is worth remembering:
* It is impossible to know everything – but it is important to know where to look.
* Working in a team is not a weakness, but a path to a better decision.
* The tools that protect us are not “crutches”, but armor.
* Ask is normal. To doubt is right. To make mistakes is inevitable. Learning is necessary.
* Irony is our shield. The code is our weapon. Responsibility is our compass.
And legends about a super -programmer are a reminder that we all sometimes strive for the impossible. And this is precisely in this – real programming magic.